Saturday, January 23, 2016

Forgiveness Part One


It's such a powerful act.

At one point in your life, you will be faced with forgiveness.   If you've never had to experience this, you are blessed. It's an incredibly hard thing to forgive. And it's equally hard to be on the opposite end and ask for forgiveness. 

One of my favorite quotes: 

                    the best form of love.
                                  It takes a strong person to say sorry
                                  And an even stronger person to forgive.

We are all unique in how we are made.  There is NO shame in who you are! God, or whomever you choose to believe in, made us all different. Our reactions to situations vary from person to person.

For instance, if you go after my kids, I will most likely loose my shit! Yes I just said that! It's incredibly hard for me to see my kids wronged or hurt at the hands of someone else. 

I think most mothers can identify. It's the "mama bear" instinct. However, we have to be so careful of our reactions. We have young impressionable eyes watching our every move.

 While it's important for them to see a good reaction, it's also possible for them to see you lose it. And I honestly believe that's ok. 

I always apologize to my kids when I screw up. I think that strengthens any relationship. Admitting to your wrongdoings is the right thing to do. It shows character.

If you know me, you know I share our lives on social media. And you know that our oldest has been the victim of stupid mean girl behavior. 

Bullying is no longer a physical act. It comes in all forms. 

In our situation it comes from a former friend. And quite honestly, I don't even know what the hell started it. Neither child is perfect and they both were to blame in the beginning  when this all began.

The key word in their situation was: reaction 

They each thought their reactions to the situation was correct. Neither wanted to forgive first and since they were 11 at the time, the other mother and I thought it wouldn't hurt for them to have time apart. 

It seemed to help their situation and there was a break taken and then a new school year started and things were almost back to normal.

Fast forward a couple months. Mean behavior started again. I don't know what sparked it? Perhaps it's jealousy on one side. My child has made a new group of friends, while still trying to hang onto the old group and include them in her new interests.

Apparently her new interests don't interest the old friend. She's become a "nerd" and "boring". 

As mature as my child can be, she possesses such an innocence. And I love that about her. She thinks everyone wants to hear about a great book she's reading or how much she loves playing her Oboe.

The former friend could care less. And my child noticed. And it hurt. So she moved on and was still civil, but the writing was on the wall.

When comments were made and feelings were hurt, eyes were rolled. Both parties were guilty of that. But when you're a pre-teen, an eye rolling sesh is just not allowed. 

When insults were made towards a group, my child (bc she was taught to do so and has a sensitive and kind heart) stood up and defended. Apparently that wasn't well received. 

I believe the worst form of bullying is the mental aspect. Playing mental mind games is the quickest way to break someone's spirit.

My child has become victim to that. She's endured glares, having friends put in the middle of this stupid situation, being called names, pitting former friends or acquaintances that barely know her against her, threats of wishing harm upon her....etc.

Can you imagine? All this going on at 12 people! TWELVE!!

She's actually doing just fine but she has to endure this negativity. It can be exhausting. 

She relies on her faith to get her through and I couldn't be more proud. Or she texts me during lunch when it becomes too much. She feels comfortable enough to share with me what's going on. And in turn I send a funny remark or quote to help out.

It's hard as mom to know and hear about this. I feel absolutely powerless. 

                                        When you love someone 
                                        You have absolutely NO control
                                        That's what love is....being powerless.

This situation is wrong and just a big ole mess!  And even though I discussed with the other mother awhile back what was going on, it's not my business as to when or how this was handled. 

In my opinion, it was probably handled to an extent but obviously not enough. Because this child has not stopped.

My child has been instructed to move on and ignore.  The forgiveness has not happened yet.

The wound is still too raw. And quite honestly, it may not happen for a long time...

You're probably wondering where I'm going with all of this. Well just wait and stay tuned for part two.


No comments:

Post a Comment