Forgiveness Part One

Forgiveness...

It's such a powerful act.

At one point in your life, you will be faced with forgiveness.   If you've never had to experience this, you are blessed. It's an incredibly hard thing to forgive. And it's equally hard to be on the opposite end and ask for forgiveness. 

One of my favorite quotes: 

                             FORGIVENESS.....is the best form of love.

                                  It takes a strong person to say sorry

                                  And an even stronger person to forgive.

We are all unique in how we are made.  There is NO shame in who you are! God, or whomever you choose to believe in, made us all different. Our reactions to situations vary from person to person.

For instance, if you go after my kids, I will most likely loose my shit! Yes I just said that! It's incredibly hard for me to see my kids wronged or hurt at the hands of someone else. 

I think most mothers can identify. It's the "mama bear" instinct. However, we have to be so careful of our reactions. We have young impressionable eyes watching our every move.

 While it's important for them to see a good reaction, it's also possible for them to see you lose it. And I honestly believe that's ok. 

I always apologize to my kids when I screw up. I think that strengthens any relationship. Admitting to your wrongdoings is the right thing to do. It shows character.

If you know me, you know I share our lives on social media. And you know that our oldest has been the victim of stupid mean girl behavior. 

Bullying is no longer a physical act. It comes in all forms. 

In our situation it comes from a former friend. And quite honestly, I don't even know what the hell started it. Neither child is perfect and they both were to blame in the beginning  when this all began.

The key word in their situation was: reaction 

They each thought their reactions to the situation was correct. Neither wanted to forgive first and since they were 11 at the time, the other mother and I thought it wouldn't hurt for them to have time apart. 

It seemed to help their situation and there was a break taken and then a new school year started and things were almost back to normal.

Fast forward a couple months. Mean behavior started again. I don't know what sparked it? Perhaps it's jealousy on one side. My child has made a new group of friends, while still trying to hang onto the old group and include them in her new interests.

Apparently her new interests don't interest the old friend. She's become a "nerd" and "boring". 

As mature as my child can be, she possesses such an innocence. And I love that about her. She thinks everyone wants to hear about a great book she's reading or how much she loves playing her Oboe.

The former friend could care less. And my child noticed. And it hurt. So she moved on and was still civil, but the writing was on the wall.

When comments were made and feelings were hurt, eyes were rolled. Both parties were guilty of that. But when you're a pre-teen, an eye rolling sesh is just not allowed. 

When insults were made towards a group, my child (bc she was taught to do so and has a sensitive and kind heart) stood up and defended. Apparently that wasn't well received. 

I believe the worst form of bullying is the mental aspect. Playing mental mind games is the quickest way to break someone's spirit.

My child has become victim to that. She's endured glares, having friends put in the middle of this stupid situation, being called names, pitting former friends or acquaintances that barely know her against her, threats of wishing harm upon her....etc.

Can you imagine? All this going on at 12 people! TWELVE!!

She's actually doing just fine but she has to endure this negativity. It can be exhausting. 

She relies on her faith to get her through and I couldn't be more proud. Or she texts me during lunch when it becomes too much. She feels comfortable enough to share with me what's going on. And in turn I send a funny remark or quote to help out.

It's hard as mom to know and hear about this. I feel absolutely powerless. 

                                        When you love someone 

                                        You have absolutely NO control

                                        That's what love is....being powerless.

This situation is wrong and just a big ole mess!  And even though I discussed with the other mother awhile back what was going on, it's not my business as to when or how this was handled. 

In my opinion, it was probably handled to an extent but obviously not enough. Because this child has not stopped.

My child has been instructed to move on and ignore.  The forgiveness has not happened yet.

The wound is still too raw. And quite honestly, it may not happen for a long time...

You're probably wondering where I'm going with all of this. Well just wait and stay tuned for part two.

 

Why...

I've been uninspired regarding life, what to do with myself, what to make for dinner, should I wash my hair today or do a scary sloppy bun like below. 

What will my new blog entry be about?

 I have so much on my mind these days. I don't even know where to begin.

Perhaps therein lies the problemo folks.

I've never been an indecisive gal.

I want it now!

Hell, I wanted it 5 minutes ago.

I can usually talk about ANYTHING....TO ANYONE....

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER...

Oh man I just saw those creepy twins from The Shining in my head.

 I can even talk to the dogs when no one else is home. Or myself...

I think I could look slightly insane when I drive? 

I mumble, grumble, think out loud.

I'm goofy and like to have fun.

I'm the weird gal that likes to make a loud outburst just because...well I don't know why. Because I'm a goof, I guess.

So I've been unfocused and procrastinating a lot lately. 

Which is NOT me.

So I'm going to just go with what I woke up with on my mind today. 

WHY?

MY WHY?

Well let's get real: I have 2 whys currently!

My first why: I'm blessed with a husband that has provided a wonderful income for years. It's allowed me to be home with my babies.

However, it's the oil/gas industry. Ugh...

Which has tanked this last year.

He is damn good at what he does. But when there's no work....there's no work.

I think we're beginning to see it really hit East Texas. 

And that scares the crap outta me!

He also works his butt off with a side business. He writes marching band drills. 

Yep someone writes those you guys.

The marching bands don't just wander around to weird musical arrangements and hit AWESOME formations on their own.

Nope....but for a fee BrynnPark Productions does just that for you!! And it's super cool!!

He's awesome at it. He's writing 18 drills this season. 

18!!!

So he's stressed! To the max.

You can never tell he's stressed, but he is this year!

We've barely seen him this summer. He's been locked away in his office.

A LOT!

But that's ok. I'm a big girl. I can handle our 3 little punks alone.

Sometimes....

Anyway. I keep saying how can I help, what can I do, let me go back to work. 

To which he responds NO! 

You guys, he never puts his foot down.

If you know us, you know that. 

But I've respected him up until the last week.

*****ETA: a few people told me the above sounded harsh. I don't disrespect him! I never have! I meant honoring his wishes to not work. And I'm still trying to find a way to be a stay at home mom but bring in income. He doesn't want me working outside the home. ******

I'm taking matters into my own hands.

I'm starting my own business and I'm going to make it work. 

Will it sustain us? I don't know...

But it'll help...hopefully.

I don't like to talk finances. But I need to say this. We've prepared over the last few years to save.

We have watched savings dwindle to nothing....TWICE!

So I don't want to hear: you should've been prepared.

Duh! I could type all day how being prepared doesn't always work.

My other WHY? This lil fella below!

If you know our family, you know about our middle child! Our only boy.

He's finally found his thing! He wants to be a gymnast.

He told me the other day he wants to go to the Olympics! 

Now I know that is a long shot to say the least!

But I'll support him no matter what.

He's happy, he's thriving...he is good!

Yesterday his coach stood and talked to me for five minutes after practice ended about how good he is!

Major improvements this summer.

All I could do was hold back tears thinking, how am I going to keep my baby in gymnastics?

So there you have it! My WHY'S!

This is not a plea to get you to feel sorry for me and buy what I'm selling.

This is more of an explanation for my latest endeavor!

And I know that most of us in sales use our social media outlets to market these days.

And it may make you roll your eyes and "unfollow" them.

Let's be respectful of those "whys" shall we?!

Everyone has a WHY!

What's yours?

https://jamiehuskey.myrandf.com

Join my team and change your life in more ways than one!!!

****I'm participating in a monthly blog circle with some AMAZING ladies. Hope on over to Danielle's blog. She's a true inspiration to me.****

http://bryanfamilybabble.blogspot.com/2015/07/find-your-cause-love-god-love-people.html?m=0

The big cart...

We are blessed with 3 incredibly smart and beautiful children. However....they (2 out of 3) don't forget a damn thing. 

They inherited that awful trait from me! I'm so proud...well not really.

It's the kind of thing that comes in handy at times but then it can also be not so good. 

For as long as I can remember, I've allowed popcorn and a drink when we go to Target. 

It's always been our thing. Something I've always said "yes" to. And of course they never forget!

I really try to do these trips solo but with 3 kids, that ain't always possible!

So it was always popcorn and a fountain drink that was the least harmful...not soda.

Then it became popcorn and a soda.

Now it's popcorn and a slurpee.

I'm not a fan of slurpees for many reasons:

They're too cold! I hate getting brain freezes!

They cost more!

They're loaded with sugar!

Can they not make them dye free? Every possible color that they make stains!

The other day we went and oh my word they had a white colored one! It was like I'd won the lottery!

Except Ms. Sassy Pants (aka: the 2 year old) didn't want white! She wanted blue! Of course she did! So I said, "nope you gettin white girly"! 

She's loud you guys. It's scary how loud she can be! Of course she threw a fit! 

But I said no and got her a white one. And after I promised her the BIG CART, she was all good! 

You know the cart I speak of right?!

 

I hate you big cart! I find you useless and insignificant! There's no point to you, besides carrying extra kids! Mine aren't close in age anymore so it's pointless for me to even attempt to drive it!

It's hard to navigate this beast thru the store. I hit end caps, displays, shelves, unsuspecting old ladies..etc. 

Of course my nutty 2 year old thinks it's a ride and loves when I bump into things. 

Everything is so far away in this cart! Once my phone rang and I couldn't get to it in time! 

It's really no different from a Suburban! I test drove one once! Hats off to those of you lil mamas that maneuver those things thru traffic! It's like a bus!!!

The last time I even tried to maneuver this blasted cart around Target, I took down a s'mores display. 

I had to pick up Hershey bar and marshmallow packages!

Hands to the Heavens it was on a back end cap and no one saw!

Thanks Target! Thank you for that! Now I gotta buy crap to make s'mores bc the one pictured below sees the displays! 

And I can't handle another fit! I just can't do it!

That's the face I get before the fit comes! It's cute isn't it?! But I assure you it's not cute! She can be frightening!

I give in to fits bc I get so embarrassed and I want her to stop! BUT I also don't want to raise a brat!

I told her no to s'mores and she threw her slurpee out of the cart! She's done this twice now! 

It's absolutely mortifying when she does bc the mess it makes is so bad! Luckily a kind sales associate who was stocking yogurt had paper towels on hand and she helped me clean it up!

So guess what? I bought the crap to make s'mores! I gave in! I said "yes". Actually I think I said "oh my god please stop, I'll get them...just stop." 

Funny thing is, she doesn't even like them. They get too messy for her! Another OCD child to add to my repertoire! Yay me!

I know I bring all of this on myself!

I'll admit that I resort to bribery.

I've set the precedent for the slurpee and popcorn.

The popcorn that I eat the most of! Bc the kids eat like 2 handfuls! Why don't I just smack the calories right on my backside?!!!

So the moral of this rant:

I think life is like the big cart at times! We think it'll be all fun and it's such a great idea...

But then you lose control.

You take on too much.

If you're wise, you ask for help or admit "defeat" and refocus and move on...

And if you're like me, you take it all on and let it build and build...until you blow up.

Don't go for the big cart. Focus on what you can handle, afford, tolerate, etc.. Stop trying to be like other moms or families, etc.

We are living in times where our kids have ten times more than we had. It's only natural that our kids see what others have and want that too.

We owe it to ourselves and our kids to set boundaries and rules. I think it's ok for us to say to our kids, "hey guys we can't afford that right now, or we can't go to the beach this year."

I think that's one of the biggest stressors in life. It is for me at least. I think this phase of our lives, with young kiddos and the day to day maintenance of life and all that it entails is overwhelming. 

I swear every time I turn around, there is something else I need to buy, or someone has broken something, or there's an injury or accident. 

It's almost comical because in the grand scheme of things, these are usually trivial things.

It's ok to say no, and it's ok to say yes.

It's important for your kids to know that they can't have it all. And it's ok that you can't always provide it.

I think that's why I've always allowed that little treat at Target. It's always been one of my "yes" things. We can afford the treat at the snack bar...and someday I will miss buying that treat at the snack bar.

And I'm sure way into my future I'll see a young mom struggling to push that beastly cart, while the kids are leaving a trail of popcorn, and having a very loud discussion regarding who has the bluest teeth from that blasted blue slurpee.

And instead of saying "oh my you have your hands full" OR "enjoy this phase bc it goes fast"...

I'm going to say, "oh honey, the minute the baby daddy gets home, go slam a glass of wine bc you deserve it."

Shoot I might even buy that poor soul a box of Franzia!

Just stop.....

It's a phrase I say often...just stop!

Now it can be in a yelling voice, like when my older 2 are fighting, JUST STOP!!! 

  

Or it can be an OH JUST STOP...as in STOP IT. Like when someone says something funny or absurd!

Or it can be that tiny, but loud at the same time,  voice in your head that says, JUST STOP...bc you're gonna miss it.

You see, tonight I didn't just stop. I kept going. And I ignored my verrrrry tired 2 year old that wanted me to lay with her on my bed and watch an episode or six of her beloved Bubble Guppies with her.

So when I finally felt I could stop and relax, I came in to find this.

For some reason it made me tear up. I felt so bad! I mean it's not like I left her there alone to put herself to sleep.

Nor was I ignoring her, by any means!! Because if you've met this beautiful and loud lil lady, you know she's hard to ignore!

I just kept going. I didn't JUST STOP and lay with her. What was I doing really....?

It wasn't like the world would've ended had I stopped my nightly chores. It's just hard to let it go (admit it, you kinda just sang that song from Frozen....anyone else over that song?!).

I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist.

I wish I wasn't so OCD.

I just take such pride in my family and our home. 

I want to be the perfect mom and be there for everyone BUT at the same time, I can't do it all! Who can really?!

At times, being a mom is overwhelming!!!

I think back to when I had just one kiddo and worked full time.

All I wanted was to be able to stay home and be with her. And when our second one came along, I was able to do that.

And for the most part, I was able to manage our family of 4 and JUST STOP for those little moments.

At least I think I was??

I sometimes beat myself up bc I can't remember it all!

I still have mental images of a certain outfit that I loved them in, or them doing something so funny...or bad.

I wish I could remember it all.

Sometimes I place too much importance on the trivial, worldly possessions.

Sometimes I ignore a child trying to talk my ear off about something! 

Sometimes I say I'm looking but I really didn't see that trick on the trampoline.

Sometimes I'm going at warp speed in cleaning mode and I leave the fridge door open, so the 2 year old gets the pickles out and when we make eye contact, she turns to run and drops the pickles shattering glass and pickle juice EVERYWHERE! 

And sometimes I totally lose it on that above scenario bc now it's set me back 15-20 minutes, all the while I'm muttering why is she such a toot, the older 2 didn't do this, now I'm going to be late...well bull, I'm already late...so I'm going to be later now, and oh my god I just stepped on a shard of glass...oh god I hope I got it all bc I don't need someone to cut their foot or toe bc the drama of that will just be too much...

***BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE***

JUST STOP!

Slow down! Embrace your "messy" home. Who's going to say anything?!

JUST STOP!

So you don't miss laying and snuggling with your baby girl.

She's still in my bed. I'm writing my blog next to her. 

But before I did this entry, I did JUST STOP and smell her hair and kiss her head and hold her chubby lil hand.

I could've seen she was asleep and gone back to what I was doing...but I did JUST STOP.

Baby steps...

In the wise words of Ferris Bueller:

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile...you could miss it.

***I'm participating in a monthly blog circle! Head on over to my beautiful friend Tiffany's blog to read and enjoy her joyful spirit! http://joyfullyfullofit.blogspot.com/2015/07/blog-hoppers-july-and-summer-blahs.html?m=1

Clothes clothes glorious clothes....

I LOVE clothes! And I have the sweetest friend who has started an adorable boutique on Etsy!! Here's her story!

I am a follower of Christ, an unorganized mother to two beautiful children, and a devoted lover and wife to a wonderful man.  I own a little Children's clothing shop on etsy called "The JimmieLee Boutique" which is named after my Mimi--better known as my best friend. At 82 years old she walked down the isle as my Matron of Honor in my wedding. I love creating new, unique outfits that you can't find anywhere else. There is something so gratifying in making your own clothes. It has become my creative outlet when changing diapers and cleaning up messes becomes a little too routine. When i first started cursing...um, i mean sewing...(it was a learning process) my sweet husband wasn't sure of my new hobby at all. I started with pillows and simple things. I remember i came to him one night and said, " i think i'll sew a dress". To which he replied, "I don't know honey..." Me, being the stubborn woman that i am, that was all the push i needed. Tell me i can't do something--and i'll do it and ten times more. The rest, was history.

So if you like cute, handmade items go see Kayla! And here's a pic of my cutie in an item from her shop!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheJimmieLeeBoutique

Remember that time when...

Ok this post is meant to be funny!! So I don't want to hear how I'm being mean spirited bc I'm not! I would never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings over something serious....unless you are rude to my family or I feel like I'm in danger...then that's another story!

I do like to laugh and make others laugh.

I guess it's my love language? If there was one of that sort. I have a very sarcastic side and my humor is different than most people!

That being said, let me take this moment to discuss and show y'all snippets of our plane ride home!! 

Now we flew Southwest, which is a great airline...but for ONE reason they suck!

Suckage=not assigning seats!!

I mean c'mon! At least put families with young children together?! It seriously puts me into a panic if we're not all together!!

So the flight home. Tim had Rowan (ha ha sucker) and I had the older 2. Tim's mom managed to get a seat next to him. 

The douche that sat next to his mom was a single guy w/o kids who actually asked my husband if Rowan was going to cry the whole flight? Ummmm wth? 

WHO asks that? I mean really?? Heck, I wish I could predict that!!

My mom will probably yell at me for calling him a douche but he was. My mother in law was a saint for talking to him and giving him advice on fun stuff/good places to eat in Dallas.

She missed his stupid question regarding Tim's ability to predict the future of his toddler's moods! Perhaps that's why she was nice. 

Rowan was an angel the entire flight but about 20 minutes in she asked for me. I was in the row in front,in the middle of Brynn and Parker. 

Fine, I'll take her. What was not fine was this, not even 10 minutes after the handover!!

 

I'm not gonna lie y'all...I wanted to hurt him. I was so insanely jealous! His abilities to quickly fall asleep make me so mad!! I wanted a kid free nap!!

So the Dramamine eventually hit everyone but me and all 3 fell asleep.

She did have her head down but woke up while I was trying to take a pic.

Before they fell asleep we had some selfie fun!

 

Yes that's me with all 3 kids....awake!!

Again, here is my husband!

Tim was grumpy when we got off and I think it's bc he was hungry?! We were all hungry! The peanuts and 100 calorie snack packs of chex mix don't hold you too long! 

I somehow lost my emergency pack of peanut M&M's?! Wth! I'm still upset over that! I wanted them so bad...oh well.

So we de-plane and head towards baggage claim. We passed at least 15 places to eat and Tim wouldn't let us get food! 

We actually had a spat about it. I hate to fight over petty crap but the kids were hungry!

So he decided to get the car at the parking place and I would stay back with the kids to get the luggage. 

That was fun! I LOVE when all the luggage comes out together!

Tim called me when I was standing outside on the lower level by baggage claim and asked me to come upstairs bc it was less crowded! 

Ummmmm....NO! I've got 3 hungry, pissy kids and a ton of luggage! 

Not pictured: the pack'n play. 

Yes I took a pic!

I wanted to have a memory: hey honey, remember that time when....

We can laugh about it now, but we were both in bad moods for different reasons.

Don't worry, he got the silent treatment for awhile and I got my apology!! 

Bc I always win!!! Right Tim?! Love you honey!

Vacation post 2

Quite honestly I've been in a funk! And then Tim worked out of town for 2 LONG weeks and I was stressed and busy!!!

So anyway...I promised to blog about our vacation...scratch that...our trip. It's never a vacation with kids!! 

Rowan was actually pretty good considering she was completely off schedule and EVERY.SINGLE.TIME she fell asleep it was on a public transportation ride of some sort and then we'd have to wake her up to get off!

Poor baby!!

And then if she didn't get a nap she looked like this by about 3 pm!

The older 2 had fun! Brynn more so than Parker, but only bc she's older and knows more. Parker's fave place was the Air and Space Museum!

Brynn loved them all but I didn't get to go with her to the Natural History Museum, bc I went to the Holocaust Museum. So I don't have any pics of her there! But here she is fussing over the fact that her name is never on a keychain, mug, license plate, etc...

 

Poor Brynn!! Someday she will love the name we gave her! She won the best traveler award! The boy fussed about how his legs hurt him! Too much walking for him! 

From the kid that never stops moving, tumbling...etc. 

Whatevs dude!! 

Before the 1 mile walk took a toll on him, he did have a smile on his face, posing with Brynn!

It really was a fun trip. And we are thankful to Tim's parents for their generosity that provided this trip.

We got to spend time with family and even got an adult night out!! Fun times!!!

Rowan with Aunt Mandy!!

Bud hugging Parker goodbye!! He sure does love his big cousin!!

My next post will be about some funnier stuff!!